So You’re Trying to Survive Another Meatless Friday? Me too. Haha
So it’s Friday and you’re trying to keep it meat-free without crying into a sad plate of plain spaghetti again, huh?
Enter stage left: this gloriously flavorful, Vegan Pineapple Cashew Fried Rice with Chickpea Eggs—aka your new go-to dish for fasting without feeling like you’re suffering through Lent every single week.
It’s satisfying, it’s meatless (obviously), and dare I say… a little heavenly? Plus, it won’t make you miss bacon. (Okay maybe a tiny bit, but you’ll get over it once you taste the caramelized pineapple.)
Why This Recipe is Awesome
First off, it’s totally Lent-approved. No meat, no fish, just plants doing the Lord’s work.
It’s easy enough to make after Stations of the Cross, when you’re hungry and holier but in no mood to cook for an hour.
It’s a crowd-pleaser—great for family dinners, youth group potlucks, or impressing your parish priest if he ever pops by (weirder things have happened).
And hello, it’s colorful and joyful, just like Easter morning—but without the Peeps sugar crash.
Ingredients You’ll Need
- Grab your rosary and a reusable shopping bag. Here’s your simple, no-fuss grocery list:
- 2 cups cooked rice (bonus points if it’s leftover from that last potluck)
- 1 cup pineapple chunks (fresh if you’re feeling fancy, canned if you’re tired)
- ½ cup roasted cashews (unsalted, unless you’re offering up the sodium)
- 3 green onions, chopped (because aesthetics matter)
- 2 garlic cloves, minced (a holy flavor trinity: garlic, onion, salt)
- 1 tbsp soy sauce (or tamari, if gluten is your cross to bear)
- 1 tbsp sesame oil (aka liquid anointing for veggies)
- 1 tsp chili flakes (optional, unless you believe penance = spice)
For the Chickpea “Eggs”:
- ½ cup chickpea flour (also called besan, a.k.a. humble legume power)
- ½ cup water
- ¼ tsp turmeric (adds color like a liturgical vestment)
- ¼ tsp black salt (kala namak) for that miraculous eggy taste
- Pinch of pepper (like holy water—but in seasoning form)
Step-by-Step Instructions
- Whisk together your chickpea egg mix.
Chickpea flour + water + turmeric + black salt = what I imagine manna would’ve tasted like if God had a Vitamix. Whisk until smooth. - Cook it like a crepe.
Pour it into a hot, non-stick skillet. Let it set. Flip it. Cook the other side. Slice it up. Boom—meatless “eggs” that didn’t involve any animals or guilt. - In the same pan, heat sesame oil.
Toss in the garlic and white parts of the green onions. Let it sizzle and fill your kitchen with that heavenly aroma that makes you question all your life choices (except this one). - Add the pineapple.
Sauté till golden and slightly caramelized. Like little pieces of sunshine in your pan. (Yes, you can pretend you’re feeding the 5,000.) - Add the rice.
Break it up with your spatula like it’s sin and you’re in confession. Add soy sauce, chili flakes (if you’re brave), and stir it with purpose. - Toss in the cashews and chickpea eggs.
Mix with care, like you’re folding in the Body of Christ at Mass (kidding… kind of). - Garnish with green onion tops and maybe a quiet prayer of thanks that your Friday dinner doesn’t suck.
Alternatives & Substitutions
No chickpea flour? Sub in tofu scramble or even just skip the eggs entirely. Jesus fasted for 40 days—you can skip eggs for one meal.
No pineapple? Use mango, or leave it out. But don’t tell me if you do. Some things should stay between you and your confessor.
No cashews? Use sunflower seeds, slivered almonds, or nothing—you’re still blessed.
Don’t like spicy? Skip the chili flakes. There are other ways to practice mortification.
Final Thoughts
There you go—your Meatless Friday miracle meal, ready in under 30 minutes and 100% guilt-free (spiritually and culinarily). It’s flavorful, fun, and totally feast-worthy—even if it’s technically a day of fasting.
So light a candle, say grace, and dig in. You’ve made it through another Friday with your soul and stomach intact.
Now go forth and stir-fry in peace. ✌️